"I am not what happened to me, I am what I chose to be" ― Carl Jung
I grew up in the all American family: two loving parents, two sisters, a beautiful home and cousins like brothers and sisters. I had a wonderful childhood filled of memories of holiday traditions, vacations, dancing on stage with the Pennsylvania ballet, appearing in commercials and magazines, just to name a few.
At the age of 10 things changed: dad became diagnosed with lung cancer. It's hard to put into words what it's like to watch your father, the first man you ever loved, suffer through chemo and radiation treatments. I can still remember the first Christmas after he was diagnosed I was sitting on the couch watching him decorate the Christmas tree and I noticed his hair was falling out. But there he was with the biggest smile on his face. I also remember seeing my mom, his biggest advocate and champion. She was the best caretaker I can imagine. She was by his side at every appointment. Yet somehow she was always with us too, making sure we didn't miss one class, recital, birthday party or holiday.
My dad lost his battle with cancer 12 years ago. One week before I was to begin my senior year of college. I debated taking a year off but knew that my dad would never want that. Instead I made the decision that I would do it for him. Not only did I graduate, but I received the first ever award for highest academic excellence in my program. This accomplishment led me to pursue an amazing and rewarding career. I spent the next 8 years helping people be able to speak again after a stroke, or eat food again after radiation treatments, or communicate different ways with ALS. I met my husband at work and we married three years after I started.
When planning our future we knew having kids was never a question. My resilience was tested again when I went into preterm labor while 25 weeks pregnant with my twins. I spent the next month in a hospital praying and crying every day. I became superstitious and wouldn't even think of names for the twins while in the hospital. I distinctly remember a conversation one night with my husband who said to me "do you think it's going to hurt less if something were to happen to them and they didn't have a name?" He was right... there I lay with two babies inside of me that deserved me to believe in them, to fight for them.
At 28 weeks my twins were born, my daughter weighing 2 lb 7 oz and my son 3 lb. In the delivery room were a team of doctors and nurses for the babies, ready to whisk them away to the NICU. Gone was that moment I dreamed of when you see your baby and hold them for the first time. I had to wait 24 hours to see them, and even then I had to look at these precious miracles through an incubator.
For the next 62 days, I was in the NICU day and night. Watching monitors, holding my babies and pumping the "liquid gold." It was in the lactation lounge that I met other mothers, 3 of them (including Mellissa) becoming my best friends. They were woman going through the exact same thing as I was, having the exact same feelings I was and could relate to me on that level. I don't know how I would have gotten through those 2 months without those ladies by my side. And now here I am 2 years later, still confiding in these "well-wishers" every day.
Today my babies are happy healthy two year olds who bring so much joy to my life!
I hope that by sharing my story I can inspire anyone going through challenges in life to know that they aren't alone. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would find my best, life long friends in a lactation lounge. When I think about these woman, I think about how we come from different backgrounds and different walks of life but we all shared the challenges of being mothers of preemies together. You never know where that support and strength will come from, but when you find it, you never will forget it.
There's a saying: "You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it". So look at life's challenges and accept them with determination and resilience. After all, the bend in the road is not the end of the road, unless you refuse to take the turn.
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Sending love, luck & calm vibes.
